How to Self-Coach Yourself Out of Any Circumstance

Spirit Panda Coaching, Inc
3 min readMar 24, 2021


Did you know that your thoughts actually create your feelings? “No way. The way I FEEL about a situation can make me think negatively.” This assumption automatically assumes that we cannot control our thoughts or mindset, when it is quite the opposite! We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we CAN choose our reactions.

The STEAR Model is a tool you can use to work through your feelings and reactions, producing new results in your life. In The STEAR Model, your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create the results in your life.

S — Subject or circumstance
T — Thought related to ‘S’
E — Emotion related to the ‘T’
A — Action or inaction taken
R — Result of the action

Here is an example of The STEAR Model in use: you are experiencing obsessive thoughts that tell you “there is no way out of the indecision” about your future.

  • The subject is ‘your future.’
  • The thought is, “there is no way out of the indecision.”
  • What emotion do you experience the strongest when you tell yourself, “there is no way out from the indecision of my future?”
  • What action do you take when you feel this emotion?
  • What are the results of your actions?

S — Your future
T — “There is no way out of the indecision”
E — You feel numb
A — Play video games to distract yourself
R — No solution is found

Your Results will ALWAYS validate your Thoughts. Ask yourself, “what is my desired outcome?” “what is the thought that will create the emotion that leads me to take action and reach my desired outcome?” Here are some helpful pointers:

  • Become aware of your thinking.
  • All circumstances need to be factual. Opinions and thoughts are not factual.
  • Recognize what is in your control, “I have control over…”
  • Make a decision and commit to it, “I will make the right decision now.”
  • Take action, “I will take action now.”
  • Not taking action is an action.
  • Start with a neutral thought when you desire a new STEAR Model result

So ask yourself today: “what kind of headspace am I in?”, “can I eliminate negative energy and increase my positive energy?”. Watch how your attitude shifts, causing more positive actions and results in your life!

Contact me for further assistance on how to STEAR yourself free from your monkey brain and learn how to become your own coach.

For more useful coaching tools and tips, sign up for our biweekly newsletter.

Spirit Panda Coaching has been helping young adults who struggle with finding their way after college to integrate into work and life with confidence and direction while leveraging the best of their sensitivity temperaments. As an HSP Business Coach, I am trained in guiding clients to a state of self-empowerment and success. All coaching sessions are remote, and you can schedule a 15min complimentary consultation here.

You might like: